Books and Online Resources
Definition of VBAC
RECIPE FOR A CESAREAN SECTION
by Gloria Lemay
1 nice, well behaved woman
1 impatient obstetrician
Minced birth plan
2 tsp prostaglandin gel
2 tbsp pitocin (do not use the authentic oxytocin)
Mix together slowly, monitoring as you go along. Once pain is intolerable, add 1 generous epidural (to freeze the well behaved woman from her breasts to her toes. ) Check with an ice cube for sensation. This epidural will be helpful in the cutting process to follow.
An external fetal monitor and contraction belt will help to move the process along. Once distress is induced in the inner cavity of the well-behaved woman, an amni hook can be used to puncture the protective lining. Some cooks prefer to insert a spiral screw into the scalp of the infant within the cavity to insure a certain outcome.
When it comes time to insert a knife, have all gadgets and implements for removing the infant at hand. Cover well behaved woman with green cloths and screens exposing only a small strip of belly area.
Watch the finished product carefully for several hours after completion of the cesarean section to make sure that the recipe has performed as promised.