Door Number Two:
“In hospital, with attending MD, however, unassisted and little to no interventions, a solid birth plan and not arriving at the hospital too early.”
This mom had an early pregnancy several years ago, and there was still some emotions around that birth. She had her daughter with her mother attending her in hospital, and realized during our HB sessions, that she just wasn’t ready to have a baby then. She was single then and very young. Part way through the labour she had said to her mom “I want to go home, I don’t want to do this”. The labour was long, and the placenta did not detach. She lost a lot of blood and needed surgery to detach the placenta afterwards.
As we cleared this in the sessions we did together, she realized she'd been holding back, not ready to become a mother, fearful of what that might ask of her. It played out in her birth experience with an extracted period of labour and the placenta not letting go either. A lot of fear, tension & pain.
This time, her current birth, it was a very different story. Her husband her daughter were so supportive and would be with her. Her mother would attend soon after.
Everyone was ready, mom still had some fear issues around her uterus and placenta and her doctor advised her not to worry he had everything in hand and she should just relax and keep doing what she was doing. We did the Fear Release and let go of all unnecessary fears around this birth, and had a final session in preparation for baby.
Baby was due on the last weekend of October, however, mom had concert tickets to Madonna and said, “If baby waits, I’m going”.
The week following baby’s “due in date”, mom returned an email “I’m still here, pregnant and waiting”….
the Madonna concert came and went so I called on Saturday to no answer!
Hmm maybe things are happening! A few minutes later she called me back with the news.
She’d gone to the concert! Friends and family stayed close at hand in case she needed to leave quickly! She got home at 11pm and the surges started, she and her husband decided on bed, and she slept through to 4am. She woke her husband and they relocated to the hospital to find she was 7cm! Doing great!
They carried on together without intervention until the doctor arrived
At that time, mom was in the hospital bed, with a monitor on, babies heart rate slid down to 97, and the doctor advised he wanted the infant out now. Baby’s heart rate resumed instantly, however, the coached PUSHING began, and then a suction on baby’s head and the doctor pulled during the surges.
From there – sutures were needed for mom’s torn perineum and he also elected to cut the cord immediately even though it was not around the infants neck (this was one of the mom’s who was working with the mirror neurons during birth – so baby was on the left side, head down, and cord floating free! It worked YES!!)
Now this doctor had assured the parents over and over around doing what they wanted. They had a birth plan and had reviewed with him many times. He assured them even though his Section rate was 15% that he believed in natural calm birth. He would delay cord cutting, and her husband would cut the cord. He would allow them to do mother directed pushing and breathing. He agreed that she did not have to be on the monitors for birthing.
However, at the last moment, things changed. What might have caused baby’s heart rate to fluctuate ONCE might have been position of baby on the cord, might have been baby slipped down and was no longer being picked up by the monitor and instead it was reading mom. The Heart monitor reads a heart beat even if it loses baby's because baby has moved, so it then picks up moms heart rate. There are many things that affect baby’s heart rate during birth, however, when it returns to normal directly thereafter, and never slips again, why the increased flurry of crazy?
He decided baby had to be out now! He attached the suction to baby’s head, and gave the orders for the mother to PUSH. She did, the purple pushing…past what her body wanted to do, (definitely not HB) past what her labour wanted, and in five surges baby was extracted from the womb. Cord not around the infants neck.
From there he clamped and cut the cord immediately forgetting that the dad wanted to do this and there was no delay, more immanent fears of the infant in distress.
Baby was separated from mom for the usual that is done in a hospital and so while everything at home, progressed beautifully, to 7 cm on their own, arriving at the hospital at 4am – from that time to 6am, just two short hours, this was not fast enough to avoid the interferences of the medical teams? Triggered by a scare? Triggered by time? Triggered by….we can’t know for certain, because afterwards everyone was in congratulations, elated that everything went so perfectly and how much better this had been than the last birth, in awe with the kindness of everyone!
They returned home on Saturday morning, delighted with the great experience, including their assistance by the doctor and RN’s that probably saved the day. Baby’s healing contusion on his head is minimal considering what “might have happened”
Cord cutting was not delayed even though this was one of the first things we’d done with mom’s sending images of baby to have the back on the left side, head down and the cord “floating free” and guess what – that’s exactly what happened. Why the cord was cut in seconds after birth we can’t say. The father said it looked white and non pulsing, however, it was clamped and then cut anyway and not by him. Oxytocin was given by injection and the placenta birthed immediately.
Mom needed suturing, do to the intense pulling and coached pushing. She said she felt her body pushing however, they coached her to push when she didn’t feel it. She did exactly as she was told.
On her back, on monitors, this is birthing ….who’s way?
Ultimately this is where we have to understand it is indeed HER WAY.
She had many opportunities to interrupt or challenge what they were saying to her. Including baby’s heart rate raising up again directly after it went low the ONE TIME, and never returning to that rate again.
Cutting the cord instantly was done without interrupting or questioning by the parents, on that decision.
When I asked her about these things she said "I know, I know, I just went along with it, it was all happening so fast...we weren't sure, and I just did it. I could feel my body's pushes, but I pushed anyway."
Their doctor said, “I really respect what you are doing here and you did a great job, but we need to be sure baby is healthy “
So, even when it goes great, there is this need to intervene.
From my perspective the relationship between this infant and it’s mother was well established! Not only did the baby wait for mom to attend the concert, he then proceeded to move himself into the world with little inconvenience to her at all. Essentially it was from 4-6 am that she was birthing him consciously.
Two hours. What a great kid!
In these “agreements’ where parents are fearful of honoring their infants experience you have to consider the trust between them, he just asked for a couple of hours of her time…she was fearful of questioning the MD and asking them to respect her time, her baby and her process. She gave into the pressure that can be applied during birth, because it's their space, their rules, their language. And they help us believe they know best.
What happens in the outer world when they start telling her what she needs to do with her son?
What about overriding her feelings and following what the world out there says to do?
But this little guy was so intuned to his mom, he waited until the concert was over and then only asked a few hours of her time...
And yet it was a great birth, so much better than her first one. And she is elated that her body actually does work….just like we had rehearsed, even to baby position and cord floating free, just like she imagined it!
And she was delighted with the mirror neurons working perfectly, so much so, that she is using them to help him latch on and suckle and he’s doing great with breastfeeding. So much so, that she is a little rattled that she didn’t trust herself and listened instead to the outside influences and their intensity in moments when the mother is very deep in her work and not able to truthfully agree or disagree.
At that point she’s counting on those she’s hired to help her get her through to a reasonable outcome, however, if you are in a hospital with an MD or OB, what are you paying them for? They do not sit around when there is a chance for action. You just have to know that.
This was pretty reasonable and certainly a wonderful birth experience, however, with just a few choices made at different times, this could have been a magical one, in a hospital no less!
We’re getting closer, we’re getting so much closer to women securing the birth they want without interferences no matter where they are or who is with them!
Door number two….Medicalized Birth, with little to no interventions.
PS: She shared she knew exactly what she was doing all the way through this time. Every step of the way, she knew and knew just what to do. We’ d rehearsed for months together there was not one thing that surprised her, not one moment where she was uncertain…She said that part was just so great for her, knowing exactly what was happening and where he was and what to do next....until they commanded her to push and decided to haul the baby out themselves rather than let him do it himself.
Awesome….next birth she’s birthing at home in water with Midwives.
When you know, you just can’t un-know it.